A Visitor
by Black Eyed Demon
Summary: A re-write of the scene in the hospital after Wes stabs Gunn. Could be read as Wes/Gunn (which is what I was going for).
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: ANGEL is not mine. Gunn is in the hospital after Wes stabbed him, and he is thinking about how bad he messed up. Also, in this timeline, everybody**** knows about the Connor fiasco.**

**Part I**

He knows he's messed up. It cost Fred her life, Wes his true love, and him...

It's cost him everything.

He knows that.

He knows that Angel will feel sorry for him. He knows that Lorne will try to get him to sing. He knows that Spike, knowing what it's like to make mistakes, will try to console him in the creepy vampire way.

He knows that when Wes stabbed him, it was justified. That the thoughts going through Wes' head were wrong to judge.

He knows that it's his fault that Fred died.

He can deny it. He can say that he felt useless, that he went to get lawyer-brains to help the team. He can say that he didn't know. He can say that it's unfair to judge him, because everyone makes mistakes.

He can forever be mad at Wesley, once his best friend, but now...

He didn't know where he stood.

He knows he isn't the brains. Wes and Fred were that. Now, it's just Wes.

He knows he isn't the brawn. They have Spike and Angel for that. Maybe even Lorne.

He knows he isn't a people person.

He knows he isn't a lawyer.

He is the guy who made a mistake, who was selfish. He is the guy who ruined his ex-best friend's love life, he is the guy who let down his boss, who killed the girl he once dated.

He is nobody.

He is forever sorry, but "Sorry" isn't enough.

He knows they'll never fully forgive him, just like they never fully forgave Wes for taking Connor, or Angel for tuning evil, messing with their memories, and who knows what else.

He can try to redeem himself, he can try to go back to normal, get his old life back.

But he will forever remember that...

That Fred is dead. That Wesley will never forgive him.

And he knows he will always remember how he lies alone in the hospital bed, a stab wound in his gut, thinking about what a failure he has become. He knows that he will compare this moment to Wesley's fall from grace, and he will forever berate himself for not reaching out to his friend in those moments.

He knows it's wrong. He knows he is wrong. But he wishes that he...

He wishes that he could start over. In this moment, he doesn't care if the people he saved die. He just wants to start over.

He wants to be forgiven.

He wants life to be simple, black and white. Vampires and demons versus Angel Investigations. He wants it to be Angel, Cordy, Lorne, Fred, Wes and him against the world. He wants their dead loved ones to come back to life.

He wants a happy ending.

Right now, all he wants is someone to come into his room and say, "It's OK."

He wants someone to say, "We forgive you."

He wants someone to come in, grab his hand, and say, "Wake up, Gunn. Stop screaming. It's just a nightmare. It's all a horrible nightmare. It's not real."

But he knows that it's as real as it can be. As horrible as it gets.

He knows there is no going back.

**Author's note: Yeah. For the record, I do not believe that Gunn killed Fred. I do believe that it was bad judgement and coincidence.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: This chapter is just Wes's thoughts as he's standing outside Gunn's hospital room. And, yes, he is a little insane. Or drunk.**

**Part II**

Fred.

Fred.

Fred.

Dead.

Funny. That rhymes.

Fred.

Dead Fred.

No, mustn't think about that.

Fred.

How scared she was before she died.

How she wanted her toy, but couldn't remember.

How she wanted to stay strong to save him from heartbreak.

Fred.

Fred.

Oh, I've gone insane.

How wonderful.

Funny, too.

In an... odd... sort of way.

Gunn.

When did that get in there?

He does look so sad in there. I think the bed is too small for him. He looks to awfully uncomfortable in it. He's looking at the door.

Does he think someone will come in?

No, doesn't look that way.

Funny, he looks so young.

He was always so sure of himself. It's strange to see him like this. As if he's given up.

What are you waiting for?

You of all people should know how horrible it is to be alone in the hospital, your friends all gone.

Fred would have gone in there already.

She would have.

If she was alive.

**Author's note: Yes, this is a short chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Wes and Gunn talk. In the actual episode, I was expecting someone to come into Gunn's hospital room and make up with him.**

**Part III**

Gunn heard a sharp but hesitant knock at the door. He'd know it anywhere.

"May I come in?" he heard.

"Yes," he answered.

"Thank you," said Wes, opening the door.

He remained on the threshold.

"Come in," he heard Gunn say.

"Thank you," repeated Wes, moving closer.

"No problem," said Gunn.

He was curious as to why Wes came. He also wondered why Wes wasn't armed.

"I know you're wondering why I came," said the Englishman.

He moved a chair closer to the bed and sat in it.

"What do you want?" asked Gunn.

"Nothing," replied Wes. "Absolutely nothing."

"Why are you here?" Gunn rephrased his question.

"I don't know," Wes was brutally honest.

Gunn sat back in his bed. He didn't know what was going on, but he wasn't going to push Wesley into an explanation. He desperately wanted to know, but, luckily, Wes made the decision for him.

"I'm sorry," said Wes.

"What?" wondered Gunn.

"I'm sorry," Wes said again, no emotion on his face. "I was wrong. I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"What for?" said Gunn with a bitter chuckle.

"I of all people should know how easy it is to mess up," said Wes. "That sometimes, we make stupid decisions that affect everyone. That, as a result of that, we get hurt by our friends, not just physically, but emotionally as well."

Gunn stared at him.

"So, yes," said Wesley. "I am sorry. I also think that I forgive you."

Gunn could not believe his ears.

"This all seems like some kind of nightmare, doesn't it?" asked Wes.

"Yeah," replied Gunn.

"Except no one wakes you up," continued Wes. "No one tells you that it' just a dream, that it isn't real."

"Yeah," said Gunn.

He thought how strange it was that Wes was so calm, yet how tense he seemed. He wondered why Wes changed topics so rapidly. Then again, he didn't actually change the topic, he merely traveled to another part of it.

"Why are hospitals so white?" wondered Wes.

"Wes?" asked Gunn. "Are you OK?"

"No," he replied. "I'm not."

"Oh," said Gunn, at a loss of words.

"I'm lost," said Wes. "Everything seems so normal. I think that everything will be normal. It's not."

"I'm sorry," said Gunn, he thought he had to say it.

"I know," informed Wes. "I know. I also know that it's not your fault. You didn't know. I'm sorry, as well."

"Yeah," said Gunn.

"Sometimes," said Wes. "Things aren't what they seem. Sometimes, actions, objects, and events are unexpected."

"Where are you going with this?" asked Gunn, a little unnerved.

"They're unexpected," continued Wes. "Because you know that they're likely to happen. You've expected it for so long, but it never happened, so you stopped thinking that it would happen. Yet you're not surprised in the least when it does happen."

"What are you talking about?" asked Gunn.

"Death," said Wesley.

"Oh," once again, Gunn was speechless.

"We look death in the eye every day," said Wes. "We look it in the eye, and spit into it! Why we do not die, I'll never know."

"But we do die," supplied Gunn.

"Yes," nodded Wes. "We do. And when we do, the world falls apart. Someone's dead. And you want to make their last request be worth something."

"We do," said Gunn. "But sometimes, they do not have a last request."

"Yes," came the reply. "Sometimes, they do not. But you know what they wanted you to do."

"But you think, 'What if you're wrong? What if that wasn't what they wanted?'" said Gunn.

"And you do it," said Wes, staring into Gunn's eyes as intensely as Gunn was staring into his. "But you know that it's what you want. You know that it's what you have to do."

Gunn nodded his agreement.

"You want life to get back to normal," said Wes.

"Yes," said Gunn.

"You want it to be what it was like before," said Wes. "But you think that it would be impossible to go back to that."

"We can," said Gunn, channeling a confidence he didn't have.

"Yes," said Wes. "But not now."

"Not now," agreed Gunn. "But someday."

"Someday," nodded Wes, grabbing Gunn's hand. "Definitely someday."

**Author's note: If you're wondering, I separated the story into three chapters because I see it as a three-part story; Gunn thinking, Wes thinking, Gunn and Wes making up. The whole story, barring A/Ns is 1,408 words. I do picture the story ending with the possibility of Gunn/Wes. If you don't, that's OK. This story will not have a sequel. Thank you for reading. **


End file.
